Yesterday I was disappointed with a couple of folks’ actions. I hate when that happens. Have you ever had that experience where you held someone at a certain level of esteem and you learned it may not be warranted? I imagine everyone has had that experience at some point or another.
It just reminded me that while I am older, in many ways I still sometimes find myself to be naïve in what I expect from folks. I try and believe the best until I know otherwise. I know otherwise now and I kind of wish I didn’t.
I realize I am a Pollyanna. I really do believe that one’s integrity is ultimately the only thing one has at the end of the day. And I know I am not alone in that belief. It is an enduring precept of my field. You have to be true, genuine and reliable. You have to own your mistakes and take responsibility for your actions.
I have grown into my sense of integrity – I wasn’t always where I am with it today. It was a process of learning about what matters and realizing that with integrity comes trust and with that trust comes additional reinforcement of the need for integrity. I would never survive in one of those reality shows where they all lie to each other and try and manipulate the situation – I would be voted out of the house or even worse, off the island (which has additional implications as I am not a swimmer).
In addition to the curse of being a Pollyanna, I also have a memory like an elephant for this type of stuff (although as I have noted in other blogs other more valuable information seems to regularly escape me). I struggle to forget disappointments. Not that I won’t move on, of course I will. I will not forget though, which is unfortunate as it threatens to forever change the dynamic in the relationship. Sometimes positive reinforcements of my original perception in the future make the disappointment seem like an anomaly and it fades into the background and becomes barely visible in my mind’s eye. Sometimes…but not often.
On an Oprah show many years ago I remember her saying, “When someone shows you a piece of themselves you should pay attention.” This message came at a time in my life when it really had an opportunity to resonate. I do pay attention to what folks show me about themselves and yesterday I was disappointed at what I saw.
Having noted my disappointment, I’ll just have to put on my big girl panties and move on. It won’t be the first time I have been disappointed and it won’t be the last – but it never really gets any easier to watch your perceptions go by the wayside. Thankfully, I have a hundred other things that occupy my mind and this will lose my focus momentarily.
But as I said, big girl panties here I come…which reminds me, have you seen the price of underwear lately? I was on JC Penney’s webpage the other day and they had pairs of underwear for $12.99 – EACH. Plus, I might add they weren’t the big girl panties I am looking to put on. Some of them have less fabric than a cloth coaster for heaven’s sake…how in the world can they cost more than a t-shirt? Something is very wrong here my friends.
What happened to the days of underwear costing a dollar or two? I did buy some underwear at the Gordman’s clearance event last year for $2 each, but they were categorically the ugliest underwear you have ever seen (or conversely will never see) – they have stripes of varying sizes and colors and gold lace at the top – truly mc-ugly. When I purchased them I rationalized that underwear are functional and do not need to be attractive. I was wrong. Dead wrong. Ugly underwear are damaging to one’s psyche. It doesn’t matter if no one else knows because you know. That is probably why they get away with charging $12.99 for cute, albeit fairly flimsy, underwear.
Why am I even going on about underwear? Of course, I digress again – shocking. What was I on before I became distracted? Oh yes, big girl panties…I better go look for those and move on. 😉
Day seventy-two of the new forty – obla di obla da