Yes, it’s true…I am a recovering attorney. And yes, there is a twelve step program.
The steps may seem simple, but they really are not. I find myself struggling with them and I often find that for every step forward I take, I oftentimes take two (and sometimes ten) steps back.
The twelve steps to recovery for attorneys:
1. Repeat the recovery mantra, “There is more to life than the law.”
2. Stop scanning the horizon for lawsuits.
3. Realize you are a mere mortal.
4. Stop looking at legal documents lovingly.
5. Start laughing at lawyer jokes.
6. Stop standing up and yelling “Objection!” when you watch courtroom dramas on TV.
7. Eliminate herein, inasmuch, wherein, heretofore, and henceforth from your vocabulary.
8. Stop cross-examining your spouse and children.
9. Expand your wardrobe beyond suits.
10. Stop counting your time in tenth of an hour billing increments.
11. Try and stop handing out your business cards at every car accident scene.
12. Start telling lawyer jokes.
It is a tough process that heretofore I have struggled mightily with, but henceforth I shall try and do better. Every day I try and at least take one positive step toward recovery, inasmuch, here is today’s effort. Below is a small selection of lawyer jokes from the dozens of lawyer jokes out there.
Q: What do lawyers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a picture?
A: Just say "Fees!"
Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.
Q: What’s the difference between God and a lawyer?
A: God doesn’t think he’s a lawyer.
Q: Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?
A: It’s called, Sosumi.
Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can’t understand.
Q: What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?
Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
A: When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
Q: What’s the problem with lawyer jokes?
A: Lawyers don’t think they’re funny and no one else thinks they’re jokes.
Taking it one day at a time…
Day one hundred and five of the new forty – obla di obla da