Do you know that saying…the one which starts with any number of things and ends with "when hell freezes over"? I have used it a few dozen times in my lifetime (give or take another few dozen times). This notion that hell freezing over would change the world so much that we would do something we could never forsee doing otherwise has always been intriguing to me.
One would think that hell freezing over is a good thing – right? The fires of damnation do not sound like a good time to me…I mean I like barbecue, but not when it is me. Ice skating, snow ball fights and making snow angels seems an improved version of hell – at least to me.
It was 33 below zero in Fargo today. 33 BELOW ZERO. The horrendously frigid temperature set a record. The previous record for January 2nd was set by a paltry 32 below way back in 1885.
Well, against all sensibility I was out today. It was the last day to use my Kohl’s cash and I wasn’t going to let $20 of free merchandise slip through my fingers (even if my fingers pretty much froze on contact with the outside air). Clearly, there are others like me as Kohl’s was packed. It took thirty minutes inside the store to get my toes to thaw inside my boots. I should have gone right for the thermal socks, but I flitted around and looked at the sweaters and blouses on sale. I noticed something unusual while I was thawing my toes – something I had not seen much of in Kohl’s before – men…and lots of them. There they were- dutifully walking behind their wives carrying clothes and giving their opinions when solicited. It was a curious sight.
That is when it hit me – hell actually had frozen over. Those men likely said once upon a time after having had foolishly agreed to go shopping with their wife on a Saturday afternoon at Kohl’s , "I’ll spend another Saturday afternoon with my wife shopping for clothes at Kohl’s when hell freezes over." Then of course today they realized it was 33 below and they concluded rightfully that hell had indeed turned into a frigid winter wonderland…and off they went to Kohl’s.
Another mystery of the universe solved – I have gotten so much smarter in the new forty.
Day one hundred and eighty-one of the new forty – obla di obla da