Day seven of the respiratory curse and frankly I am sick of the whole thing. This malaise coupled with the wheezing and horrendous coughing (and unproductive coughing at that) are enough to drive a person nuts. I am over being sick. I thought I was out of the woods yesterday, but clearly I was wrong. I had coughing spasms so severe last night that I could not sleep. I mean seriously, if a lung is gonna’ come up then come up already and let’s move on.
Last night I was so desperate for some relief that I used the only medicine in the house that was remotely applicable – Pediacare for colds. They only give dosing up to age 11 and since I am roughly twice that age (x2 plus some) I just took a double dose and moved on. I have to say, it was not bad – like extra syrupy grape soda. I have suffered greater indignities than that to be sure (I have, after all, eaten my own cooking for years).
It gave me some relief at least. Unfortunately I woke up today feeling like my head was a bowling ball held up only by a pipe cleaner. It reminded me of the feeling I had when I had mono as a kid – that heaviness in your head with an excruciating headache. Upon realizing that I was now going into day seven of illness I offered a query (delivered more as a disgruntled statement) to the heavens of, “Really?!”
Of course I don’t have mono (affectionately known as the kissing disease). I had mono when I was 15. When the doctor said I had mono and asked who I had been kissing right there while my dad was sitting in the room, I about fell off the table. I was so naive that I thought it was akin to a sexually transmitted disease (what can I say, I led a sheltered childhood). I stammered, “No one…I was kissing no one!” Then the doctor and my dad laughed and I felt like an idiot – an idiot with a bowling ball head, pipe cleaner neck and excruciating headache.
The only good thing about mono (besides missing two weeks of school) was that I lost tons of weight (well, not exactly “tons” but a good ten to fifteen pounds). I lost so much weight that my mom had to take me out to buy new jeans. If only that was the up-side of this curse.
Sure wish my mom was still around to take care of me. I wouldn’t mind being sick so much. She bought me a McDonald’s cheeseburger, fries and strawberry shake every single day for lunch while I was home with mono. That was pretty much the only thing I ate all day those days. Mostly I slept endlessly. That mono was pretty serious stuff.
Fast forward to the new forty without my mom to care for me and without the daily cheeseburger, fries and shake as spoiled sustenance and being sick just seems intolerable. Enough is enough already. If I am not going to be spoiled by my mom or lose weight I need to move on. Let me make it known to the universe that waking up tomorrow in a compromised state will result in a disgruntled statement that is a lot more colorful than “Really?!”
Day two hundred and seven of the new forty – obla di obla da