A WebMD email the other day was titled, “Belly-Fat Blasters: Minimize Your Muffin Top and Menopot.” The title piqued my interest. I knew what a muffin top was going in, but a “menopot” – I had no idea and I wanted to know more. Below is an excerpt from the email:
“The Rx for Muffin Tops and Menopots: Ask any woman which body part gives her the greatest amount of frustration and anxiety, and she’ll probably tell you it’s her middle.
If you’re carrying an extra 10 pounds (or more), you probably freak out every time you see that dreaded muffin top pop over your jeans. Women over 40 have a greater tendency to pack on the belly weight as they move through perimenopause and menopause. I call this belly fat the Menopot. All women will have a Menopot, and the normal amount of fat is ideally no more than 5 pounds. Most women, however, are carrying double-digit Menopots, which can lead to a major muffin top.”
Seriously? Let me make sure I understand this. Not only do you get all the other lovely symptoms of perimenopause and menopause you also get an extra five pounds minimum that has been sexily termed the “menopot” – be still my beating heart. As if a moustache was not enough, you get a pot belly as a bonus prize. And wait (or should that be weight?), in addition to your obligatory menopot you must be very careful lest you acquire in addition a major muffin top.
I have heard folks muse on occasion that God is a woman. As much as I would like to believe that I know that cannot be so. If God was a woman she would not reward women who arrive at middle age with a moustache and a menopot. If God was a woman it would be a different story. If God was a woman you would be your most attractive to younger men at the age of 50 and beyond (and not because of your bank account…because of your knowing sensuality). If God was a woman putting on makeup would burn major calories. If God was a woman smart men would talk more and dumb men would just sit there and look pretty. If God was a woman the world would be an infinitely more just place. If God was a woman there would be no “change of life” that made you feel fat, ugly and crazy (who the hell wants that change anyway?).
No, God is not a woman. You doubt me? Look at your menopot and admire your moustache…no woman would do that to another woman.
Day two hundred and ten of the new forty – obla di obla da