Behavioral Modification Therapy Via Jewelry…

I think I have successfully gotten all of those around me on the same page of discouraging any future marriage plans for me.  My brother suggested that my relationship future should be a "variety pack". For now I think I am quite fine with my relationship status being – "none", but I must confess I remain a huge fan of cute boys.  There must be some form of therapy for that.  I think I need some behavioral modification therapy…something akin to a shock collar that shocks me when I even think about interacting with any more boys.  Sometimes the temptation is great even though I know that historically my efforts have been terminally flawed.  I surmise that hope springs eternal.

Someone who met me in passing awhile back accused me of being a "man-hater".  I think my problem has been the opposite frankly, I continue to love men despite all evidence that I suck at it in perpetuity.  That statement made me want to have a snappy comeback, but I came up short.  I love it when I can shoot something witty back without a moment of thought…unfortunately the "man-hater" comment was such a shocker that I was struck silent (well, not exactly silent…there was an audible gasp).  Now I laugh about it, but I sure wish I had been ready with a good response.

I aspire to be like Zsa Zsa Gabor (in witty comebacks, not in number of marriages).  When it was said by an ex-husband that she was not a good housekeeper she quipped, "I’m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house."  I love it…quick, witty and unforgettable. 

But I digress, back to the behavioral modification therapy – maybe not a shock collar -maybe just an enduring mental imprint of what some of the past mis-steps have cost me.  These memories should not dissipate in the way labor does in childbirth…I really need to be able to hang on to them.  Perhaps I should get a charm bracelet that displays visual memories of my mis-steps and wear it every day.  As it clinks around on my wrist it can serve as a less painful (the shock collar may be the death of me), but still very clear, reminder that there are some paths down which I do not want to travel again. 

Behavioral modification therapy via jewelry…I may be on to something here.  I guess my next concern would be over-accessorizing.  Given my past, my therapy bling might overwhelm my outfits and cause some injuries based on the sheer weight of the necessary bling.  Maybe that shock collar isn’t such a bad idea after all…I could bedazzle it and call it a choker.  😉

Day two hundred and eighty-six of the new forty – obla di obla da


4 Responses

  1. Tam

    Would the charms include all the cute server boys you like to admire while dining? If so, that is going to be one HEAVY charm bracelet…

  2. jimlindlauf

    Perhaps the best behavioral modification therapy jewelry for you would be a pair of hand cuffs to keep you away from all the cute boys?! A straight jacket, by chance?

    A man hater? From what I’ve read of your thoughts and activities, I would think you were the opposite of that too. Maybe a charm bracelet would make enough noise to alert your prey, and give them a fighting chance to escape your evil clutches! I can just hear the monolog of “Wild Kingdom” now: “The young men hear the jingle of charms alerting them to the presence of the danger that is lurking nearby. Their instincts direct them to flee, but like a spell, the jingle entrances them, making them easy prey for the wily Madamgovnr!”

  3. Ms. C

    Tam ~ in that case I would be charm-tight!

    GFBison ~ OMG…I laughed my a** off! That was too much! 🙂

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