I think I have successfully gotten all of those around me on the same page of discouraging any future marriage plans for me. My brother suggested that my relationship future should be a "variety pack". For now I think I am quite fine with my relationship status being – "none", but I must confess I remain a huge fan of cute boys. There must be some form of therapy for that. I think I need some behavioral modification therapy…something akin to a shock collar that shocks me when I even think about interacting with any more boys. Sometimes the temptation is great even though I know that historically my efforts have been terminally flawed. I surmise that hope springs eternal.
Someone who met me in passing awhile back accused me of being a "man-hater". I think my problem has been the opposite frankly, I continue to love men despite all evidence that I suck at it in perpetuity. That statement made me want to have a snappy comeback, but I came up short. I love it when I can shoot something witty back without a moment of thought…unfortunately the "man-hater" comment was such a shocker that I was struck silent (well, not exactly silent…there was an audible gasp). Now I laugh about it, but I sure wish I had been ready with a good response.
I aspire to be like Zsa Zsa Gabor (in witty comebacks, not in number of marriages). When it was said by an ex-husband that she was not a good housekeeper she quipped, "I’m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house." I love it…quick, witty and unforgettable.
But I digress, back to the behavioral modification therapy – maybe not a shock collar -maybe just an enduring mental imprint of what some of the past mis-steps have cost me. These memories should not dissipate in the way labor does in childbirth…I really need to be able to hang on to them. Perhaps I should get a charm bracelet that displays visual memories of my mis-steps and wear it every day. As it clinks around on my wrist it can serve as a less painful (the shock collar may be the death of me), but still very clear, reminder that there are some paths down which I do not want to travel again.
Behavioral modification therapy via jewelry…I may be on to something here. I guess my next concern would be over-accessorizing. Given my past, my therapy bling might overwhelm my outfits and cause some injuries based on the sheer weight of the necessary bling. Maybe that shock collar isn’t such a bad idea after all…I could bedazzle it and call it a choker.
Day two hundred and eighty-six of the new forty – obla di obla da