Well, today I did something that hurt someone’s feelings and made them mad at me…and now I am mad at myself for acting the way I did. I issued an apology and a truthful explanation of the reason I behaved as I did, but not so sure it was heard with the sincerity with which I hoped to have delivered it. I always tell Cheyenne it is better not to do the thing that offends or hurts someone to begin with so you don’t have to apologize after-the-fact. Yet here I stand having done that very thing today and I am so angry with myself.
I acted emotionally, not rationally or thoughtfully or logically – not a good frame for me to act out of – yet, I did it and it delivered a blow. And now I am paying the price…I hurt someone I care about and they may not talk to me again…and I hurt myself because I damaged something that very much matters to me. Not much left to do on this front after the damage is done except hope that the person you hurt and angered will see clear to forgive you.
I don’t think public penance will resolve the situation, but I thought it important to acknowledge here in my blog where my voice is often the strongest that I am truly sorry and saddened by the events of today and I hope to have the opportunity to show that I am better than my behavior today reflected. I am a perfectly imperfect person, but in all things I hope my heart is in the right place. I hope the person I hurt today can see that in me.
Day three hundred and four of the new forty – obla di obla da