Grocery Store Size-ups 101

I discovered quite by accident last week that the place to meet single men worth meeting was actually in the produce aisle at Sunmart shortly after the five o’clock hour. Not that I was unaware that the grocery store was ripe for pickup lines after years of comedy sketches on the topic, but I never really appreciated the level of assessment you could make about a person in that short time frame in which your carts pass in the aisle (or when you go to grab the same head of lettuce).

I mean think about it…you can get quite a read from how a person conducts themself in the grocery store and by taking a glance or two at their cart (not their proverbial "cart"- their actual cart – but looking at their proverbial "cart" is probably a good idea as well).  I don’t know why I never realized this before, but now that I have quickly become a semi-expert on the topic, please allow me to share my newfound expertise.  Alas, before I do that I must give props to The Forum for hosting the Area Voices blog site and for allowing me the opportunity to blog here as I increasingly meet more and more folks out and about town who approach me because they read my blog.  A proviso here though, my life often appears in my blog so approach at your risk. 🙂

At any rate, let’s talk about my newfound expertise (sorry fellas, this is decidely focused on the single ladies).  Grocery store size-ups can be conducted in six easy steps.

1. Basic appearance.  Does the shopper appeal to your looks palette?  Is he wearing the type of clothing, shoes, etc. that you would want your man to wear to the grocery store?

2. Posture. How does he conduct himself with his cart (no longer talking about the proverbial "cart") or basket?  Is he the master of his universe or just a passive pusher/carrier?

3. Decisiveness.  Does he know what he wants and grab it or does he linger?  Does he look confused and befuddled or does he know exactly what he wants and go after it (in the purely grocery shopping sense of course).

4. Buying habits. Does he eat the kind of food you eat?  Does he have produce, multigrain bread and fresh items or Little Debbie cakes, canned chili and frozen food?  This is actually quite an important step as eating habit compatibility is really quite a big thing in relationships and often overlooked until later…to know at the outset that he has an occassional urge for fresh bakery peanut butter cookies is a good thing (especially if you too have the same urge on occasion).

5. Store navigation. Is he a polite and considerate shopper? Does he pay attention to others or is he only concerned with himself?  I dare say that this may be very telling ladies about how he will conduct himself in the bedroom (or anywhere else he is "getting busy" with you).  Not sure who wants a man who isn’t paying attention to the needs of others in his universe.  Being polite and considerate in the store may be a primary indicator of other characteristics that tend to be quite important in a relationship.

6. Approach line. When he sees you and wants to talk to you does he use a corney line about the freshness of melons or does he make a direct approach (like saying he reads your blog and he likes the way you think)?  I am a fan of directness, but everyone has their own leanings.  The point is, the approach line is telling…pay attention to how it makes you feel. 

So there you have it…Grocery Store Size-ups 101.  Please do not hesitate to let me know if you utilized my newfound expertise and how it worked for you.  You can find me on any given night at Sunmart in the five o’clock hour. 😉

Day three hundred and fifteen of the new forty – obla di obla da




5 Responses

  1. Rich

    How do you size-up no name vs national brands man? Coupons/list guy vs free styler? Cold/frozen stuff last vs grazing to the checkout line? Cart vs hand basket? Store plastic vs bring own handbag? Take first available checkout vs scouting the experienced/rookie cashiers prior to filling the cart?

  2. Ms. C

    Rich ~as always, you get right to the crux of the matter and are so damn funny in the process! But hey, this is serious business and I am a semi-expert so I feel obliged to at least give it a shot.

    No-name vs. national: Depends on whether he does it because he knows no better and just does it to save money or does it because he knows it is the same item without the branding. Informed buyers are crazy sexy.

    Coupons/list guy vs. free styler: That is a tough one. A few coupons and a list evidence planning skills and financial sensibilities while free-styling evidences an ability to go with the flow…albeit conversely the former can evidence anal retentive behaviors and the latter can evidence lack of responsibility.

    Cold/frozen stuff last vs. grazing to the checkout line: Let’s face it – grazing evidences a lack of focus/purpose or in some cases a decided effort to waste time while looking for girls to pick up…I think the grazing is a no-go for me.

    Cart vs. hand basket: Well, since you ask…the hand basket is way sexier than the cart and it brings to mind my often uttered statement of “going to hell in a hand basket” – which would be fine provided the hand basket carrier was all that and a bag of chips!

    Store plastic vs. bring own handbag: Again – this is a tough one for me. I have my own recyclable bags for shopping, but sometimes forget them and have to get plastic. As a matter of course, it would be good if he had recyclable bags, but I can understand a slip up here and there…hey, he’s human right?

    Take first available checkout vs scouting the experienced/rookie cashiers prior to filling the cart: I had to think about this for awhile, but I think this is similar to the coupons/free styler discussion – it could go either way…I think this would have to be considered in light of all the other circumstances.

    I think we may have the makings of a grocery store dating consulting firm here Rich! 😉


  3. Rich

    What is your threshold for being over charge on items purchased from the store? I have gone back for small amounts-40 cents. It sounds minor but a store I shop at regularly seems to have a history of over charging. I have saved the mistakes-until I tire of the mess and recycle them. To me it’s the principle.

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