I discovered quite by accident last week that the place to meet single men worth meeting was actually in the produce aisle at Sunmart shortly after the five o’clock hour. Not that I was unaware that the grocery store was ripe for pickup lines after years of comedy sketches on the topic, but I never really appreciated the level of assessment you could make about a person in that short time frame in which your carts pass in the aisle (or when you go to grab the same head of lettuce).
I mean think about it…you can get quite a read from how a person conducts themself in the grocery store and by taking a glance or two at their cart (not their proverbial "cart"- their actual cart – but looking at their proverbial "cart" is probably a good idea as well). I don’t know why I never realized this before, but now that I have quickly become a semi-expert on the topic, please allow me to share my newfound expertise. Alas, before I do that I must give props to The Forum for hosting the Area Voices blog site and for allowing me the opportunity to blog here as I increasingly meet more and more folks out and about town who approach me because they read my blog. A proviso here though, my life often appears in my blog so approach at your risk.
At any rate, let’s talk about my newfound expertise (sorry fellas, this is decidely focused on the single ladies). Grocery store size-ups can be conducted in six easy steps.
1. Basic appearance. Does the shopper appeal to your looks palette? Is he wearing the type of clothing, shoes, etc. that you would want your man to wear to the grocery store?
2. Posture. How does he conduct himself with his cart (no longer talking about the proverbial "cart") or basket? Is he the master of his universe or just a passive pusher/carrier?
3. Decisiveness. Does he know what he wants and grab it or does he linger? Does he look confused and befuddled or does he know exactly what he wants and go after it (in the purely grocery shopping sense of course).
4. Buying habits. Does he eat the kind of food you eat? Does he have produce, multigrain bread and fresh items or Little Debbie cakes, canned chili and frozen food? This is actually quite an important step as eating habit compatibility is really quite a big thing in relationships and often overlooked until later…to know at the outset that he has an occassional urge for fresh bakery peanut butter cookies is a good thing (especially if you too have the same urge on occasion).
5. Store navigation. Is he a polite and considerate shopper? Does he pay attention to others or is he only concerned with himself? I dare say that this may be very telling ladies about how he will conduct himself in the bedroom (or anywhere else he is "getting busy" with you). Not sure who wants a man who isn’t paying attention to the needs of others in his universe. Being polite and considerate in the store may be a primary indicator of other characteristics that tend to be quite important in a relationship.
6. Approach line. When he sees you and wants to talk to you does he use a corney line about the freshness of melons or does he make a direct approach (like saying he reads your blog and he likes the way you think)? I am a fan of directness, but everyone has their own leanings. The point is, the approach line is telling…pay attention to how it makes you feel.
So there you have it…Grocery Store Size-ups 101. Please do not hesitate to let me know if you utilized my newfound expertise and how it worked for you. You can find me on any given night at Sunmart in the five o’clock hour.
Day three hundred and fifteen of the new forty – obla di obla da