Most faculty members at colleges and universities like to publish such findings in journals; unfortunately, that is a long process and can result in quite a delay between the conclusion of the research and the general public learning the findings.
However, I believe that these findings are so critical to the safety and well-being of the public that they must be shared forthwith even if it means I lose out on releasing them in a powerful journal article.
So America – here are my findings:
1. Baked goods can taste really good.
2. Baked goods can be bad when not experienced in moderation.
3. Some baked goods are so delicious they are evil.
4. Crumb cake is the most evil baked good.
5. The crumbs are the best part of a crumb cake.
6. Brown sugar is the ingredient that makes the crumbs on the crumb cake so good.
7. Brown sugar is the root of all evil.
8. Brown sugar must be controlled by the Department of Homeland Security.
9. Betty Crocker is a terrorist.
10. Excessive baked goods can lead to fuzzy logic and a sugar high.
You heard it here first.
Day five hundred and fifty-two of the new forty – obla di obla da