Go toward the light…

According to Albert Einstein the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.  Let me just own my madness at the outset – I am, by definition, insane.

Case in point, I am not the best person when it comes to dealing with disruption.  I know this about myself.  I have always known this about myself.  In disruption I seek to create order.  I am good at the creation of order and as such I don’t fear short-term disruption – with the operative term being “short-term”.

However, it has been a real strain on my psyche to live with the continued disruption that the lower level repairs have necessitated.  I coped okay in the beginning having mentally set my mind to the reality that it was only a short-term situation.  Then the days and weeks stretched to months and the whole thing started to wear on me.

Long before the whole thing started to wear on me though I decided that it made perfect sense to abut some main level improvements (the kitchen, dining, entry areas) to the lower level repair process (consolidating the disruption just made good sense – which was still in my short-term frame).  It started with just new floors and then before you know it there were new cabinets, a new counter-top, a new sink and faucet, new moulding and casing, new doors, new light fixtures, new appliances, new throw rugs, etc., etc. – ARRGHHHH.

Well, five months after the flooding event we are at about 95% on the lower level and we should be at about 50% on the main level after today.  The whole notion that the light at the end of the tunnel is in sight should come into play here, but as much as I want to go toward the light I can’t get to it because of the piles of stuff that are now displaced from the main level to the lower and upper levels.

This state of affairs is why time spent away from home offers such a high level of wabi sabi comfort…something about things being out-of-sight (and out-of-site) equaling being out-of-mind.   But really, let’s talk out-of-mind…what the hell was I thinking?  I must have been out-of-my-mind when I conceived this home improvement schedule.  Now I am fatigued of the process, stressed about the level of disruption and hyper-sensitive to hearing about any glitch in the process however small it may be (and everyone knows that every improvement process is rife with glitches).

Yet, having said all the above, when the floor guy was here yesterday amongst all the chaos I was discussing with him the improvements I plan on doing to the upper level over the next month or two (during the height of flood season – sure why not?).  Floors and doors and moulding and casing and a bathroom remodel – my goodness I am stark raving mad.  I want to go toward the light at the end of the tunnel, but I cannot seem to stay focused long enough to get there.  Perhaps the key improvement I need at this point is in the form of a white jacket with straps and some duct tape over my mouth…perhaps then the madness will end.  Until then you will find me knee deep in piles of household stuff, construction materials and catalogs babbling quietly to myself about the utility of getting it all done at the same time.

Day five hundred and ninety-four of the new forty – obla di obla da

Ms. C

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About Ms. C

I teach at NDSU...but I remain a student of life with all the enthusiasm that entails. My favorite saying is, "Sometimes you have to take the leap and build your wings on the way down." In the new forty that is what I am doing...building my wings.
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2 Responses to Go toward the light…

  1. Stan says:

    Prayers will be said for you. I wrap myself in His peace at bedtime, I sleep pretty good on those nights. I just hope the light at the end of the tunnel isn’t a train.

    I subjected the ex to a lot of that in my day but mainly because the funding didn’t always keep up to the work. At least labor was cheap, I did everything but electrical and going on the roof. She took it fairly well. Sometimes if you really WANT to live in your own home finances require buying less and fixing it to what you really wanted.

  2. Dianne Hill says:

    I, too, haven’t gotten to the point where I can see the light. It started with the death of my Mother in January 2008. It took me 2 years to clean out her house.She was a child of the depression and saved EVERYTHING. Also, if one of something was good 5 or 8 were better. She could have stocked a quilting store,(it took 2 1/2 weeks to fold her fabric), a teddy bear making store, a Christian bookstore, a music store, definitely a clothing store with 3 huge closets full of clothes. She had home canned food from the late 60′s and early 70′s and beyond that filled 14 paper grocery bags with jars for the recyclers (thank the Lord for garbage disposals). Then our home got some rehab work in 2009, which involved rewiring from attic to basement, plus new windows and such………………it was liking moving without moving out. And I was still working on my Mother’s house. My daughter and I bought the house together and she wants her garage back and I want my finished basement to be finished. We have been here 15 years and maybe, just maybe this will be the year. (If we can fit the storage unit full of stuff in here………….rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh

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