When receiving gifts one should always be polite and remember the maxim, “It’s the thought that counts.” Typically, Mother’s Day gifts are filled with love and thoughtfulness because they come from kids, grandkids or properly appreciative spouses or partners. All moms know that it is hard to go wrong with a macaroni necklace and a handmade card. Moms keep those necklaces even after most of the macaroni has fallen away and the yarn has faded. Just about anything lovingly made by a kid is a treasure to a mom (with the exception of food items created from Playdoh that they actually want you to taste).
Yes, I am sure the gifts this Mother’s Day will be pretty much the same – well-loved treasures. I do want to emphasize “pretty much” though as I see a little bit of a potential problem on the Mother’s Day gift-giving horizon.
The whole notion that some Mother’s Day gifting efforts could go terribly awry hit my radar when I saw an email in my inbox from Sanford Health’s Dermatology and Laser Clinic advertising Mother’s Day Specials. Honestly, the first thing that came my mind was whether all those comments I had made about wanting to get “some work done” would result in a gift certificate for a Mother’s Day facelift. Regular readers may remember that when I commented about how I hated having to go outside in the bitter cold to warm up my car I was given an AutoStart by the children. Apparently, they listen to me as I babble on about this, that or the other…so maybe, just maybe, they were listening when I was rambling on about it perhaps being time to start thinking about having things lifted and tucked. I guess if I did get such a gift I would not be offended as I could actually see the utility in it. I am not sure how many women would agree though, particularly those who just had mentioned they may be interested in such a thing in passing.
I mean really – can you imagine getting that as a gift if you had not expressly said that you wanted it? If you want to see a face fall that is how to do it – gift them a facelift. I have to laugh a bit at the horror of it all, but I could imagine some well-intentioned children or spouse doing something like this with no real appreciation of the reaction they may get.
Of course, as is typical with me, I read the email subject line and long before I ever opened the email I had already amused myself to no end by allowing my mind to skip down the garden path filled with all the silly little possibilities I could conjure up. Alas, upon opening Sanford’s email I discovered that a gift certificate for a facelift was not on sale, but they do have a volume deal on Botox running.
In addition to the Botox Mother’s Day special, they are featuring a spray tan for $20 and a microdermabrasion coupled with a facial for $75. They also have laser treatments on sale if you want to be “hair free” for the summer. They list two options - $199 for your legs and $99 for your full back. Whoa…back up the bus…lasering the hair off of mama’s back?? Is that right?? Holy moly – if lady back hair is a big issue in America please shelter me from that information as I do not want to know.
Back to the point, if some well-meaning child, grandchild or spouse gives you a gift certificate for Botox smile with every still movable line on your face and say, “Thank you…that was so thoughtful of you!” You may be horrified inside and you may wonder what possessed them to think you need or would want such a service, but if you think about it long enough you’ll recall the day you looked in the mirror and remarked out loud for your kin to hear, “I wish I could get rid of all these lines on my face.” Ah, yes…they were listening…listening because they care…and you’ll get Botoxed whether you like it or not because it is the thought that counts.
So let me get this out of the way right now for my children’s sake – soft, refreshed, tan skin with no frown lines – I am all about that. As for the gift certificate for the lasering of back hair – let me be clear – GIVE ME THAT AND YOU ARE OUT OF THE WILL. When I say it’s the thought that counts, I definitely mean that you better think twice (or fifty times if need be) before you give mama that…else you’ll have to revisit mama’s most recognized maxim, “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”
Day six hundred and fifty-nine of the new forty – obla di obla da