My mind is like a pinball game with a hundred different paddles and bumpers that my mental ball can ping off of at any moment. And ping it does. One never knows in which direction it will head next – from what happened on a sitcom last night to the nuances of interpersonal communication when a power differential exists…from how much I love potato pancakes to an analysis of what a flat tax rate would mean…from a simple hello to a commentary about the role of kindess in a civilized society…oh yes, it pings here, there and everywhere. I can be maddening – indeed, I used to wonder and even worry about something being wrong with me. For those of you currently screaming at the screen, “There is something wrong with you!” – yes, I note there likely is. Alas, I don’t worry about it any longer.
I realize that it can be exhausting for others to keep track of where my mind is going. I have seen the exasperation on folks’ faces when I am six positions away from the original topic when they remain (like normal folks) on the topic at hand. I also realize that the concentration deficit has an impact on me. It takes a whole lot for me to completely immerse in something whether it requires my focused mind or not (hence, I have real difficulty with committing two hours to a movie). I am the classic example of a “Look over there!” mind.
But I must say, as maddening as it can be some days, I actually like my pinball game mind. I have learned to use it to my advantage (for the most part) and it takes quite a bit to bore me…there is always another mental tangent to wander off on. It is a handful to have so much going on inside my head all the time, but I see and think about so much more stuff like this which makes the way I interpret the world that much more dynamic. Ultimately, I wouldn’t trade it for a simpler game like Connect Four, Battleship, or Kerplunk…ultimately, it makes me uniquely who I am.
So there you have my self-love entry for my new year’s resolution for this week…I am a pinball wizard.
Day nine hundred and sixty-four of the new forty – obla di obla da