Delta Airlines has informed me that I should allow extra time today to get through airport security at the Syracuse Airport today. After all the trials and tribulations we have faced during this trip, this information gives me pause. Our flight does not depart until close to 1 PM, but you can bet we will be there at least two hours early (okay, closer to three). I do not want to get delayed again. I would like three flights with on-time departures, that land timely where they are scheduled to land, are uneventful, and arrive with my luggage on-board. Please tell me that is not too much to ask Delta Airlines.
I am flying back out on Sunday to teach a class for FEMA. It is only a short trip (she says as she knocks on wood). There was a time I thought it would be great fun and glamour to be a flight attendant – to fly here, there, and everywhere in the cute little outfit. That was before I had traveled much and experienced delays. Spend a few 12 hour days at the airport and unexpected nights in airport hotels and you’ll be amazed how much your love of air travel will dissipate.
In addition, I now know all the baloney flight attendants have to deal with. It isn’t just being cute in the outfit and smiling at customers – it is dealing with a whole host of issues, challenges, and personalities. I am fairly sure that my diplomacy would run out before most flights took off. I can hear myself now:
“Sir – no matter how much you shove that bag it will not fit in the overhead. GET A PINK TAG AND CHECK IT.”
“Ladies and gentlemen – please move out of the aisle and take your seat as quickly as possible to ensure an on-time departure. MA’AM YOU MAY BE IN FRONT OF YOUR SEAT, BUT YOUR FANNY IS STILL BLOCKING THE AISLE.”
“Ma’am – I told you to power down that phone five minutes ago. It can cause interference with the plane’s navigational equipment. HANG IT UP NOW OR I AM GOING TO CONFISCATE IT AND FLUSH IT DOWN THE TOILET!”
“Sir – you need to remain seated with your seat belt fastened until the plane comes to a complete stop. NOW SIT DOWN AND FOLLOW THESE SIMPLE INSTRUCTIONS OR I WILL COME BACK THERE AND KICK YOUR BUTT!”
I guess I better keep my day job. Apparently, I don’t have the “right stuff” to be a flight attendant. Let’s hope I can manage being a passenger today a bit more gracefully.
Day one thousand one hundred and thirty-one of the new forty – obla di obla da