Call Me Dr. Chopsticks!

Some things just amuse me even if I know that the mere fact that I am amused by them indicates something somewhat troubling about me.  One thing I love about Facebook is the endless number of humorous things on there.  Now with folks linking stuff on Facebook from Pinterest – the collection site for all things fabulous from A to Z – the humor depositories are getting richer by the moment.

As evidence of my demented sense of humor or in futherance of it – whichever works for you – I share today an odd little suggestion list of 29 fun things to do when sales people call you that came off of Pinterest (via Facebook).  I would probably never personally do any of  these things as I would want to be nice, but I am tickled at the thought that somewhere out there someone will do these things. 😉

29 Fun Things to Do When Sales People Call

1. Tell them they must have the wrong number, only God lives here.

2. When they call back, tell them this is the devil’s residence.

3. Tell them the person they are calling for can’t come to the phone right now as they are in deep meditation and may stay that way for days.

4. Start telling them about the wonderful encyclopedias you have in stock.

5. Start telling them your life story.

6. Tell them about your intense hatred for salespeople, then ask where they live.

7. Reply to all their questions in song.

8. Ask for someone who can translate pig Latin, as you speak no other language.

9. Hand the phone to the youngest member of the house (under 5).

10. As soon as they name the corporation they represent begin barking relentlessly.

11. Start trying to give them a psychological analysis.

12. Demand that they refer to you as Dr. Chopsticks.

13. Proudly describe what you found in your ear this morning.

14. Ask them what color underwear they are wearing today.

15. Describe your socks in detail.

16. Interrupt them repeatedly to describe the beauty of your new toaster.

17. Whiningly tell thing that it is past your bedtime.

18. Midway through the conversation say, “Oh no Phil! You’ve done it again! I told you that knife was too sharp! Where are we going to get the money for another funeral?”

19. Ask them repeatedly if they believe in antelopes.

20. Refuse to answer any of their questions, as they may be one of THEM!

21. Ask them what they think would happen if you put a frog in a blender later tell them they were wrong.

22. Ask them for their phone number so that you can call them back and chat some more.

23. Burst into tears when they try to hang up and scream “Don’t leave me!”

24. Tell them about the time when you got stuck in the doggy door.

25. When they ask to speak to you spend a long time trying to decide if that really is your name and after you realize it is ask them to remind you of it occasionally.

26. Proudly explain that they are the first person that you have spoken to since you return to Earth.

27. In the middle of the conversation start humming the Sesame Street theme song, when they try to speak sound surprised and say, “Is someone there?”

28. Begin snoring.

29. Gleefully explain that “they” have come for you and that you are going to a better place.

One thousand one hundred and eighty-seven of the new forty – obla di obla da

Ms. C

3 Responses

  1. MIKI

    The husband of a friend of mine works at the ND State Hospital. Several years ago, my friend received a telemarketing phone call asking for her husband and she replied, “He’s at the State Hospital.” She said the telemarketer hung up in an awful hurry!

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