I came to a realization today: the level of caution in my driving has a direct correlation to my perception of the state of my appearance. By that I mean, I am more cautious when I perceive I look hideous and would not want to be stopped by a police officer or be in any kind of accident that would require me to get out of the vehicle and been seen in my natural state. This is the trade off I make with the universe – caution equals relative anonymity.
This all came to me recently as it is a fairly new phenomenon that I venture out into the world looking like Shrek’s ugly step-sister, but over these past few months it has happened with increasing frequency. At first these outings were just me without my hair being completely styled, but then they became me with my hair wet and clipped up, and then they became me with my hair wet and clipped up and only mascara on, and then they became me with my hair wet and clipped up with no mascara on, and today it was all of the above and in addition – I didn’t even brush my teeth. If I had been stopped for a ticket I would have singed off the officer’s eyebrows with my breath.
If you see me slouched down in my seat in the mornings with my big sunglasses and hair clip on you will see a model driver. I will do nothing to interfere with my safe transit home to reconfigure my face and hair for human consumption. Cheyenne says it is a sad commentary on my vanity, but I say it is a public service to spare people from having to experience me looking like that – it is just scary.
So please do not yell at me if you see me going 25 miles per hour on Sheyenne Street when you are trying to pick up the pace to get to work. I am doing the best I can to avoid scarring you and members of the first responder community. Trust me, I have seen myself in the state I leave the house and it isn’t pretty.
Day one thousand two hundred and fifty-two of the new forty-obla di obla da