After my Santa was kidnapped yesterday I sent Mike to get him back. This involved getting one of the kidnappers (the younger, seemingly less dastardly kidnapper – Cory) to participate in a double cross of his more conniving and committed brother – Noah. The plan was for Cory to tell Noah that Santa was stolen from the vehicle that they had left him in. Simple plan…only low level acting skills required…effective double cross.
But you can never trust a traitor. Today, sometime between 4 and 5 PM Santa was kidnapped again while I was out with Cory on a highly unusual mother/son shopping outing. I should have known that he was up to something the second he didn’t object to spending 45 minutes at Kohl’s. After the Kohl’s trip we met Sarah, Lennon, and Noah at IHOP for an impromptu family dinner (minus half the family). That was yet another unusual outing that I should have caught on to. It was while in IHOP that I was made aware of the kidnapping and became fully aware of Cory’s triple cross. Noah was gleeful in his success and delighted in me seeing photos of my “liberated” Santa. He said Santa was liberated by the SLA (Santa Liberation Army) and would not be freed until I met the demands – which has something to do with patching some torn jeans of his (oh yeah…that will happen…with pink fake fur or unicorn and rainbow fabric).
When I recognized the debauchery that the two of them had just pulled off I looked right at Cory with a twitching eye and said rather sternly, “YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE!” He was unruffled by my proclamation; indeed, he seemed to be barely suppressing an outward giddiness. All he kept saying with a little smirk on his face was, “My hands are clean.”
I threatened the boys within an inch of their lives in IHOP. I made it clear that not a single hair on Santa’s head should be harmed – OR ELSE. Noah threatened dismemberment and there was talk of Jimmy Hoffa. I summoned all the witch power that I could muster and put a heartburn curse on both of the boys (alas, I did something wrong as I was the only one who ended up with heartburn). The server, a nice kid named Dillan, was afraid to come to our table after awhile. Other diners were starting to stare with concern. It was getting ugly. Yet through it all the boys just delighted in what they saw as the move of the season – the triple cross to end all triple crosses.
Upon arriving home I saw the placard that Santa was holding in the kidnap photo on my entry area wall. I then received this photo via Facebook.
Oh boys, you just go ahead and enjoy your little victory; but, remember who you are dealing with. I know you think your evil genius is so clever and powerful, but think about this: your gene pool was diluted and mellowed by the genes of your other parent – I, on the other hand have 100% evil genius pumping through my veins and I won’t be forgetting about this. And make no mistake – I will get even. I’ll wait and I’ll watch and when you least expect it – I will get even.
Day one thousand two hundred and sixty-five of the new forty – obla di obla da