A Diet For Virgins?

I am a big fan of Prevention magazine.  It is like the health version of Reader’s Digest.  I like bite-sized reading as it fits well with my multitasking life and my typical attention span. I can skim through it quite quickly and gather all kinds of valuable information. Unfortunately, I rarely get to read them when they are first delivered.  They tend to sit around awhile before I get to them.  It seems I am always a season behind (hence, I am just now moving past the winter to the spring articles).

It was in one of the winter publications that I was catching up on the other day that I saw something that stopped me dead in my tracks. There it was in plain view – an advertisement for a book titled The Virgin Diet.

Whoa…back up the bus.

Dear readers – you know me and my twisted little mind.  You know that as soon as I saw The Virgin Diet I started down the long and winding path of what exactly I thought a virgin diet might be.  I already know what virgins are abstaining from – I didn’t really need a book for that one.  I thought that perhaps the book held secrets about what virgins should eat to facilitate staying virginal. I wondered if the book had guidance about how to become a recommitted virgin – some prayer, some reflection, no sex – maybe a twelve step program.  Of course, the book is about none of the above.   I was disappointed.  I would have spent my time reading a book on a twelve step recommitted virgin program.  I would not have given up sex, but I would have enjoyed the mental recommitment exercise.

But no – The Virgin Diet is not about virgins at all, the Virgin is the author.

The book is by an author named JJ Virgin.  Here is what Amazon has in its summary:

Your fat is not your fault.

Are you eating all the right things—low-fat yogurt, egg-white omelets, whole-grain bread, even tofu—but still can’t lose the weight? Your favorite “diet” foods may be to blame.

In this groundbreaking program, nutrition and fitness expert JJ Virgin reveals the real secret behind weight gain—food intolerance. A negative reaction to certain foods like dairy or gluten can sabotage your health by triggering inflammation and causing a host of nasty symptoms like bloating, breakouts, headaches, achy joints and—worst of all—stubborn weight gain.

On The Virgin Diet, you’ll eat plenty of anti-inflammatory, healing foods to reclaim your health and reset your metabolism, while avoiding the 7 foods that are most likely to cause food intolerance. You’ll never feel hungry or deprived, and in just one week, you’ll drop up to 7 pounds, lose belly bloat, gain energy, clear up inflammation and look and feel years younger. And that’s just the beginning!

Wait, wait, wait…did you say “that’s just the beginning”?  What will the next Virgin diet book help with?   Maybe a twelve step recommitted virgin program?  I predict such a book would quickly hit the bestseller list and gain an army of fans.  And I have the perfect title – Like a Virgin.   I’ll be anxiously watching my Prevention magazine for that book advertisement. 😉

Day one thousand four hundred and eighty-nine of the new forty – obla di obla da

Ms. C

2 Responses

  1. B-dubya

    About that last paragraph concerning the Like A Virgin best seller that has yet to be written: There is an old saying that “if you want something done, you should probably do it yourself”. Hmmm……… 😀

  2. tim haering

    Maybe it was an old Omni Magazine where I read that if you abstain from sex for ten years, you begin to become susceptible to acquiring magical powers. Magic must be pretty complex negotiation if ten sexless year only gets you susceptibility to acquisition. That slim hope is not worth ten consecutive sexless years. Maybe, as you recommit to virginity, you will find some of this magical susceptibility. Good luck with that. Sex is magical enough for me. Why don’t we do it in the road? NO one will be watching us. LOL. Which road? How about Penny Lane?

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