Well, at the risk of sharing too much information – I had a mammogram today. I know that most women don’t jump for joy when it is mammogram time. All the maneuvering, pulling, and flattening of the breasts that we have been trying to keep close to the chest and on high alert can be a bit disconcerting. And yes, it can hurt a bit, but pain is relative and it is a quick process.
Likely the most unsettling thing about mammograms for women is the baring of their breasts for such an un-sexy and un-tittilating experience. Society has led us to believe that these lovely lumps are more than their sum total of fatty composite – they are a part of our womanly allure. We learn that they are admired and sought after…that they are an attribute that is often more appreciated by the opposite sex than our intellect, wit, or charm. They are what the billion dollar lingerie industry is built around, what the v-neck blouse was created for, what made tight sweaters iconic, and what makes getting to second base so sought after. They are so much more than just a run of the mill body part…or so women are indoctrinated into believing.
But when push comes to shove – and it does in a mammogram – breasts are just another body part that we need keep in good health. So you just have to bare it and grin. Better doing that now than dealing with more invasive procedures later because you waited too long.
I must say, I was a little excited to learn that I was getting little pasties as part of the process today. I felt exotic. And then I was the star of my own private photo shoot. Yes, it is all in the mental framing my friends.
The lovely technician that worked with me – Lina – was an adept conversationalist. I think that is a fabulous gift to have in a job like hers. The whole experience seems less awkward when you are having a nice visit with someone. I only wish I had a few more breasts so that we could have chatted longer. Alas, it was a brief experience – two scans of each breast and I was out of there with a thank you very much and my cute little breast cancer awareness month shopping bag gift. In and out in 15 minutes and I got to take my pasties with me. Hot damn – what a deal!
So ladies, if you haven’t had the girls checked out lately make an appointment. As the equipment has changed over the years, so too has the experience. I promise you, it really isn’t all that bad. Surely you have 15 minutes to give for your health…and a free pair of pasties.
Day one thousand one hundred and six of the new forty – obla di obla da