Yesterday was my mother’s birthday, but I was so preoccupied with other things that I didn’t even realize the date until the evening. Typically, I write about my mom every October 24th. It is my way of paying homage to my mom’s memory and the gifts she gave me. It has been 11 years now since my mom passed away.
But because I paid no attention to the date until late in the day, I did not write about my mom on her birthday this year. I am not sure why this omission bothers me so much, but it does. I think it must be the power that resides in remembrances…after all, that is what I have left. I can no longer buy her cards, cakes, or gifts. All that is left is to raise my voice in appreciation of who she was and the things she gave to me and my children (10/24/2012 – What my mother left with me…; 10/24/2011 – Call your mother…; 10/24/2010 – October 24; 10/24/2009 – I begin today by refraining from singing…).
I think about her daily in one way or another. Some days I wonder how my life and my children’s’ lives might be different if she was still here with us. Once someone is gone you realize all the places they populated in your heart. It is a tough reality that we often don’t pay enough attention in day-to-day life to those who could not bear to lose. Time gets away from us and life’s demands pull our attention away.
My mother lived her life with very simple rules and much kindness. She was quiet and unassuming – being a mother and a wife were her life’s work and she was just fine with that. She had a tough childhood so she made sure that her children’s childhoods were not tough. We didn’t always have a lot of money, but my mom was always there. I realized when I got older how valuable that was. People are what matter, not things. My mom always had a firm grip on that.
I miss my mom, but I do believe that the parts of herself that she gave to me have stayed with me and have helped to make me a better person. Not a perfect person – after all, I blipped out on my mother’s birthday – but a person who understands the value of people.
Thank you mom for all you have given me – in 2014 I promise my birthday remembrance won’t be belated.
Day one thousand one hundred and ten of the new forty – obla di obla da