I always try to be a good citizen. I am not always 100% successful, but a sincere and determined effort typically gets me through. In being a good citizen, I would never dream of trying to scare the living daylights out of my fellow conference roomie and then audio taping her reaction so it could be kept for posterity. I also would not change my roomie’s phone wallpaper to a hideous image that reminded her of the fright she had been given or continue to re-create the fright moment again and again. Good citizens simply do not do such things.
But not everyone is a good citizen. In fact, some folks relish being a bad citizen. Folks like Mary. She delights in pulling pranks on me. She lives for her victim’s reaction. And I, as the victim, always react.
Over the years I have tried to chastise her into reforming her prankster ways. My efforts have fallen on deaf ears. She has not been dissuaded whatsoever – indeed, every year she ups her game.
You might be inclined to ask why I continue to room with such a prankster…why would I continually expose myself to this? I am wondering that myself this morning after Mary placed a giant, hideous, squeeky rat in the shower for me to happen upon. And when I screeched a blue streak she did as any bad citizen of her caliber would do and taped my reaction and replayed it over and over. When I finally calmed myself enough to take a shower, Mary took the opportunity to change the wallpaper on my phone to a photo of the hideous rat’s face. Then, when I was doing something else she placed the rat on the bathroom vanity where I would encounter him again.
That was bad Mary. Scaring your roomie – every single year in new and unique ways – is wrong. You are being a bad citizen. You really need to reform your behavior on this front. And I am sure you will consider my request for all of five seconds – right after you get done laughing about this current prank. Every time I pull back a shower curtain I will be re-living this. I am sending you the therapist’s bill. Bad citizen Mary – bad citizen!
Day one thousand two hundred and fourteen of the new forty – obla di obla da