The space in-between…

My dear friend Barbara lost her son Dave this past week.  He had been in a fierce battle with a brain tumor for quite awhile.  Through it all his mama and the rest of the family stood beside him in good cheer with abundant hope and determination. That is the type of family they are – good folk – the type of family we all want to have.  I am sure that Dave’s fight was made more bearable by their tightly woven net of love and support.

Now the fight is over and Dave has moved on past the pain he experienced in his last months here on earth.  But his family is at the beginning of a new path, a path that goes forward without him being physically with them.  Thankfully, he will always be with them in spirit – in hundreds of different memories that span their years with him.  His smile and wisecracks will echo in their minds when they encounter the things that he would have found funny.  His sensibility will whisper in their ears when they wonder to themselves – “What would Dave do in this situation?” His love will carry them when they struggle to get beyond this loss.

I read Dave’s obituary the other day.  It is filled with all the things obituaries tend to be filled with.  It is a nice obituary.  But there are some things that words cannot adequately capture – no matter how elegant or well-phrased they are.  Obituaries are at best the smallest of snapshots of a person.  A framing, if you will, of a life lived.  But in every life there is so much more than the framing – there is all the space in-between.  It is in that space that the nuances of our story lives.  Those nuances are a byproduct of our experiences and relationships and are woven in and out of our days.  They are the things that linger with those that remain.

The nuances of Dave’s life will linger with his family and friends.  That is where some of their peace will lie as they go on without him.  Those nuances will weave into their own nuances and fill the space in-between in their lives.  And so it is for all of us…we fill the space in-between as our lives and experiences intersect with others.

My condolences to all who mourn Dave’s loss, but mostly to his family.  I hold them close in my thoughts and prayers.  I am comforted by the thought that Dave is watching over them now – may they have the serenity of knowing that his spirit is near.

God’s speed Dave.  May you brighten up heaven with the same cheer that you brightened up your life here with.  Some things should never change.

Day one thousand two hundred and eighteen of the new forty – obla di obla da

Ms. C

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About Ms. C

I teach at NDSU...but I remain a student of life with all the enthusiasm that entails. My favorite saying is, "Sometimes you have to take the leap and build your wings on the way down." In the new forty that is what I am doing...building my wings.
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2 Responses to The space in-between…

  1. B-dubya says:

    So true that Dave will forever whisper and tiptoe and smile through all the days of those whose lives he touched–so true and so beautifully expressed here.

  2. B-dubya says:

    Your statement–about our interactions with others filling the in-between spaces in our lives–stuck like lint to my mental socks. It reminded me of something one of my sons asked me when he was 7 or 8 years old: “When somebody talks to me, they kind of get to be part of my brain, don’t they? And when I talk to them, don’t I get to be part of their brain too? So when I say ‘Myself’, am I talking about who I am now or who I was before all those people talked to me?”
    At the time I was surprised to hear such a weighty question coming from a person his age, but later wondered how many children ponder that same thought. Now, these many years later, I’m hearing a lot of spiritual conversation about the We-Self as opposed to the overpublicized and exaggerated importance of self-self-self esteem that seems to be producing an epidemic of narcissism.
    It is SO reassuring to find in your blog post such an eloquent reminder that we are indeed a very real part of each other–every day, and in so many subtle ways.

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