Shapewear Ill-defined…

I like to visit No More Rack ( every couple of days to see what deals they have going on.  No More Rack is one of the internet sites like Joss & Main, Zuilily, Touch of Modern, and a dozen other sites that offer limited quantity sales with deep discounts for short periods (typically 2- 7 days) and limited return options.  These sites are the equivalent of this generation’s QVC or HSN – not that I am claiming to be of “this generation” – I clearly came of age in the old school shopping network days.

Alas, I am a fan of bargains and I am willing to put in the time to make my dollars stretch.  Well, within limits I am.  I don’t possess unlimited patience for online shopping and if it starts taking more time than in-person shopping then my interest starts to wane.  The way these shopping sites work you have to be fairly focused in your buying interests or you will be there for hours.  I do not have hours for such shopping larks.  If I have to spend more than 15 minutes I start getting antsy.

But you really have to know what you are shopping for on these sites to know if the site’s “great deal” really is such a “great deal” or merely a competitive deal.  When you consider that the return policies are typically quite restrictive, you may find that being competitive is not enough to make you feel all warm and fuzzy about a deal.  There is nothing quite as deflating to a super shopper’s ego than to learn that the deal they got that they thought was “great” was only so-so in reality.

Some of the items on these sites are clearly closeouts for a reason.  A case-in-point from No More Rack today comes from a slip and shapewear event.  Shapewear, with its industrial strength Lycra,  is typically a pricey item.  That is because women are willing to pay for a smooth and slimmer shape under their more clingy clothes. Forget about comfort or the ability to breathe -looking good is worth the price tag.  And yes, I am a bit snarky about shapewear.  I wore a shapewear full slip under a dress once and I felt like I was in a compression chamber designed to torture its wearer.  My thighs got a workout every time I took a step.  It was like being in a giant, overly-tight rubber band.  Frankly, the thought of wearing shapewear makes exercise appealing (at least to me).

But I digress. One of the items being offered in this event is the “Fashion Forms Deep-Plunge Bodysuit Shaper with Thong & Removable Straps” for  $19.  This price is 68% off the item’s original retail price of $60.  Now, I ask my intelligent, adult, not easily traumatized readers – look at the photos below and tell me why you think this item is now available for such a steal?

What exactly is this shaping?  There is more exposed than covered.  I honestly thought this was a swimsuit at first glance.  If you have any tummy at all this shaper will be sure to pop it right out of the convenient hole in the center.  It is not addressing back fat or thunder thighs, and it isn’t providing a fanny lift.  It appears to be flattening the breasts unnaturally and uncomfortably – I am not sure anyone likes that sort of thing.  There is that small patch of fabric across the lower abdomen that may do some shaping, although I don’t believe you would carry excess fat there and not any of the other locations that are open for observation in this item.

Sorry No More Rack – I am not buying the pitch that this is shapewear.  The only thing it did for me was make me smile.  And I note that is because I examined its utility in theory, not reality.  I do not think I would be smiling if I was wearing this. 😉

Day one thousand two hundred and eighty-seven of the new forty – obla di obla da

Ms. C

1 Response

  1. tim haering

    A brilliant allegory, Ms. C. TO paraphrase your column, when it takes longer to read about the pitfalls of online shopping than it does to shop online, then my interest starts to wane. I don’t know what keeps this shapewear thingee from peeling off the breasts and hanging around the hips. As for why it’s on sale so cheap: nobody’s buying it. When stuff doesn’t sell, you cut the price. Why aren’t folks buying it? There are justifiably leery, as you are.

    Timothy Leary’s dead. NO no no no, he’s outside, looking in.

    And nobody seems to hear him
    or the sound he appears to make,
    and he never seems to notice.
    But the fool on the hill
    sees the sun going down,
    and the eyes in his head
    see the world spinning ‘round

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